Topic: Wasn’t Covid in our rear window … #GuessNOT
Why is everyone testing positive NOW!? I thought we were heading outta this “thing?” I thought the stands were going to be filled with something OTHER than “flat-Stanleys?” I thought we were heading to the ball parks and arenas and concert venues again. I thought we were heading back to some Broadway shows? I thought I was sending my kids off to college to meet real people and professors. You want me to wait ANOTHER YEAR?!!
I guess, much like YOU, I THOUGHT a lot of things were happening, or about to happen at least. But, like, you, I was wrong. Again. Or, was I right, and some of the stupidity around me was wrong? Hmm… Either way, we’re all sharing the same space, the same air, water, and, unfortunately, the same collective results.
You mean the Bros. Bezos didn’t invite you and your bro to get outta Dodge and into space too? Me neither. Maybe next time, Geofredo. In the meantime, I just wanna watch my damn football team this month. I wanna see my favorite players and coach enter Canton in a few days. We won’t spend too much time on them, but they are mine, and I’ve waited long enough to see them (since 2020). And, I’ve remained masked and distant and silent, and….if I don’t get my way, I’m gonna have to be duct-taped to my office chair (not unlike some of these rabid air travelers). People, we need to relax and agree that if we don’t follow the same protocols, we will remain in this lunatic space until we run out of—water…What? Now, we’re running out of THAT too? You’re #KillinMe !
Oh well, I’m done venting…see you in the fall…hopefully…I’ll be the #DryThirstyOne
A “Blast from the Past” Edition (so much fun, we’ll re-publish it!)
Flubbing our words and phrases?
nother vs. another (“That’s a whole nother world”)
Uh, NO it is not. But it IS a whole incorrect sentence. I’ve sat in professional meetings, witnessed intelligent people on television and interacting on large city streets misuse this term over and over. How about “a whole OTHER” perhaps? It’s easy to remember because all you have to do to not be wrong is simply drop one tiny letter, the “a”
uncharted vs. unchartered (“We’re in uncharted territory”)
Here lies another constant. It is used with such frequency that even we may, at times, become confused as to which is the correct choice. When navigating areas (or waters) that are unfamiliar are we “in uncharted waters” or are we in “unchartered waters?”
I always believed, being part of the general “charter” community, that the correct usage would be unchartered; meaning “not ever having sailed through these waters.” However, if we think of “uncharted” waters, we could reflect on our childhood where gold, treasures & stuff existed – and envision other option of “attempting to navigate a map without any defined charts.” Who knows…?
pacificly vs. specifically (“I was pacificly talking about the last time I saw him”)
We probably first heard this one around the holiday dinner table spouted from the mouth of our Aunt Ida. ‘Pacificly’ is NOT a word. Just noticing all of the red underlining will tell you that spellcheck specifically disagrees with you. However, “pacifically” IS an actual word, but is still incorrect if used in this situation. It may refer to a large body of the earth’s ocean separating numerous islands that we would love to charter (or chart).
relevant vs. relative (“It’s all relevant!!”)
No, it is NOT. My understanding is of ‘relevant’ is that which is pertinent to or important to something else. ‘Relative’ is more of an “it depends” or “relates to.” See? It’s easy to remember…
supposably vs. supposedly (“She was supposably the one…”)
Supposably is just horrible all the way around. (Again, see all of the red in spellcheck if you don’t trust me) It sounds like you took the wrong advice of your Uncle Vito from that fantasy sports commercial. However, it is a never-ending misuse of a pretty cool word…supposedly. “Supposable” is supposedly a word, whereas “supposably” is a sign of, well, incorrect grammar.
misconfuse vs. misconstrue (“He misconfused what I said to him”)
This was one I heard about a decade or more ago on one of those live court television programs where an actual hitman in a criminal case testified using (or misusing) one big word after another. It was so amazing that I couldn’t turn the television off and was late to the office as a result. However, it continues to be a source of humor that my spouse and I still occasionally giggle about to this day.
One final note
Back in high school (a few years back), I recall a hilarious moment in English class when our teacher informed us that one of her students required a tongue-lashing for incorrectly using a transition. In a nutshell, the student stated his idea in one sentence but then attempted to transition it with a new sentence beginning with “Another words” instead of “In other words.” Though I felt bad that the teacher publicly shamed him (she’d probably be fired for it in today’s class), I must admit that I laughed at it as much (and as loudly) as anyone.
A ‘word to the wise’ (Oops, I mean “words” to the wise)
Topic: PLAY BALL!! (just don’t spit or argue…and get Covid tested often!!)
Issue: Can baseball players really refrain from spitting?! Or, arguing?Or …
I guess it’s a valiant effort to think we can “field” a troupe of MLB players and count on them to refrain from spitting before, during, and after a game. However, do you think it’s perhaps a bit far-fetched we can achieve such a lofty goal?
I mean, these guys (I do know a little bit about them) have been “takin’ a dip,” “puttin’ in a chaw,” and otherwise hockin’ loogies since practically tee ball. In fact, I could tell you some stories about guys who filled up 2-liter soda bottles with the “after-sauce” of Apple Jack, Skoal, Copenhagen, or … well, take your pick, big boy.
The point is that a good argument can be made that spitting is just as (if not more) linked to baseball than both apple pie and hot dogs are to the American culture. Baseball players spit … period. Even the ones who don’t chew tobacco. It’s part of the game folks.
To add insult to injury, players will also be commanded to “not argue” with the field umpires and be available for plenty of Covid testing. Baseball and testing?! C’mon, man! Did you see what happened during the (steroid era) 90s and early 2000s? Again, testing and baseball haven’t mixed too well in the past. Let’s just leave that argument for a different day.
Okay, so even if we can clear the above hurdles, we must also understand that, in lieu of screaming and adoring fans, the stands will be filled with … cardboard cutouts of fans. Yes, I said it, cardboard! If ever there was a reason to spit on something, this may be it.
In this technological age, couldn’t we have come up with something more life like? How about holograms that are programmed to behave like regular fans? Or how about cartoons of fans who drink gallons of beer, scream obscenities at the top of their lungs, and hurl batteries (and other unmentionables) onto the field – without provocation? Sounds kind of fun, huh?
Or, how about this? How about making the holograms, well, (fake) spit! That way, the players will feel more at home for the opener … wait a second, did the rules committee just tell baseballers that they can’t adjust their, uh, “pant legs” either? What is this world coming to?!!
After this lockdown ends (sometime before the end of time, I imagine), I’ve decided to book a trip around the world. Who’s with me?! Nope, just pulling your leg, but sounds pretty tasty, huh?
It’s just that, you know, being a lifelong “travelin’ man,’ I’m struggling with the “everyday backyard scene.” No, it’s not quite Groundhog Day, but pretty close.
In fact, I just posted a video of what appeared to be my full grown, ash tree uprooting and exiting my backyard. For reals…I think.
Okay, maybe it was my imagination or something. Anyhow, the point is that we are at the point of, well, seeing fleeing trees! And, no, it’s not worth the risk of contracting anything outside the home, but it’s something to take a closer look at, right?!
And, until then, I guess the only outdoor fun will be watering the plants…Woo….Hoo.
Topic: Why do we seem to care more today about cheating in sports?
I know a little bit about professional sports. In fact, without getting too far into the weeds, let’s just say I practically grew up in professional locker rooms, dugouts, and on and off fields, diamonds, and courts. However, since this op-ed is about something else and notabout me, let’s just dive right in and get to the bottom of the matter.
Recently, we have been inundated (much more so than usual) with television/ radio shows, and online debates focusing on the issue of “cheating in professional sports.” In them, pundits rave and rage about how horrible it is that the Houston Astros (allegedly) stole signs in order to win a World Series Championship in 2017. They go on to argue that these same Astros (allegedly) continued to cheat in subsequent years – and perhaps, even as recently as just last year.
Last Words – by George Carlin (with Tony Hendra), 297 pps., 2009
What I liked about this book
Okay, full disclosure first. I am a life-long fan of this man. Although I never had the opportunity to see him LIVE, I did see many of the HBO specials and listened to many albums from childhood into adulthood. It is no wonder that he and comedians like Richard Pryor were “joined at the hip” during their first days of comedy.